W101.V2. Day 1: The Right to Write

Why do I‌ write?

This question is right up on the same list with

• Who am I?
• What do I want?
• What is my purpose?
• What will give me happiness?

In essence,‌ it is fundamentally, an existential question. I could say that it is to express myself which is an answer that many people are going to have. But there has to be something deeper than that. It doesn’t feel right if I talk about something I‌ feel I am good at without it involving something special.

I am socially awkward. No matter how much I‌ want to be the centre of attention at a party or a gathering, I usually don’t pull it off well enough. Some of my friends have given me critical feedback which was harsh but true: I like to seek attention, and I‌ end up a wannabe popular kid. Some people are naturally talented at holding a crowd. Some others, like me, are better off in the back seat.

There’s a character in the Harry Potter universe, Professor Horace Slughorn. He had this habit of “collecting” students in whom he saw the potential of greatness, and although it’s not mentioned, possibly even mentoring and tutoring them as they grew out of school and into the real world. Later on, when they did achieve greatness, he would reap his harvests:‌ they would send him souvenirs from their journeys. He was described as

“He has never wanted to occupy the throne himself; he prefers the back seat – more room to spread out, you see.”

Albus Dumbledore, Half-Blood Prince

While I can’t relate to being a mentor to that extent, I do realise that some people are meant for greatness on-stage, and the rest, off-stage. The first step to achieving one’s greatest potential is figuring out where you want to be. At this point in this post, you might want to go back up and read the list of questions that started this post.

I‌ realise that while I do try and fail and pick myself up at being popular or shining in the eyes of a lot of people for something that’s considered cool it’s also not something that’s going to happen anytime soon. In fact, it might never happen. Which is where another quote from Harry Potter works its way into my post.

While I‌ make a mental note to read more books to pull quotes from (which, by the way, could be the answer to the question:‌why do you read?), here is the quote

“Play to your strengths.”

“I haven’t got any,” said Harry, before he could stop himself.

“Excuse me,” growled Moody, “you’ve got strengths if I say you’ve got them. Think now. What are you best at?”

Which for me is writing. But that might be different for you. You may sing, dance, do both even though it makes you breathless. You may paint, make crafts, and so on. If you love doing something, and I’ve not mentioned it, it’s only because I’m not aware of it. You can trust me when I say that I don’t know something.

The best part is that it doesn’t even have to be good:‌ all you need to do is to have fun with it while you run with it. Which is why I‌ relentlessly pursue chances to try and be more accepted and popular. Yes, I’m not there (yet), but that doesn’t mean I’m not going to have fun trying to get there. I might even drop the idea sometime when I’m mature enough to understand that maybe, it’s not worth it. That day, I might not be envious of the people who everyone enjoy spending time with. Till then, I will work on myself. There are going to be moments when I feel more ashamed than proud when I fall. Those are moments of falling where‌ I learn to pick myself up. This applies to when I’m writing too.

It’s the best way I can get thoughts out of my head which otherwise would die there. Even if it isn’t good, that’s okay. I’m learning along the way. Most importantly, I’m having fun. I’m not going to abort my thoughts. Just keep writing.